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the band
Once
upon a time there was this drunk who was having difficulty standing upright
and insisted on standing directly in front of me all night long. He was
one of those head boppers, or more like body boppers. After a while you
learn to turn those people off. Well just as we hit the last note of the
night, this guy jumped up and when he came down he lost his footing,
tripped over my monitor, fell into my keyboards, knocking them off the
stand. Naturally I let go of my guitar to catch my keys, and there I stand,
trying to hold my keys, some drunk tangled up in my keyboard stand, my
guitar screaming out feedback, I can't turn down the volume because I can't
let go of my keys. I look across the stage for some help and there's the
rest of the band bent over laughing the asses off. At the time I didn't
find it too humorous, I just wanted to get this drunk of the stage and
turn my guitar down. Fortunately Jim our roadie came to the rescue. By
no means is Jim a small guy, he grabs this dude by the shirt collar and
belt hoop and kinda rolls him toward the door and says "goodnight" That
guys feet never caught up until he hit the front door! Now I thought that
was quite humorous.
Garry
Moon
Struck
Anybody
who know us knows our roadie / light man / general utility man, Chris.
He the kinda guy who would do almost anything you ask. One night I was
on my way to a gig and I stopped to get gas at a fairly crowded turkey
hill mini mart. So I'm pumping away and I hear this horn blowing and blowing,
so I look up along with everyone else just in time to catch a glimps of
this big, fat, hairy, Chris ass, sticking out of a dodge pick-up passenger
window. As if that wasn't bad enough it had 10 feet on toilet paper sticking
out of it! Well I knew the truck was Ron's and I was certain that big,
fat, hairy ass belonged to Chris, but I just blew it off as collage kids
out on a Friday night to everyone else.
Garry
Happy
New Year my ass!
I
don't know what it is about New years Eve but I think at one time we were
cursed. It seemed that every time we booked a New Years gig something totally
took a shit! These stories take place over a quite a long time with different
bands that at least 2 of us were in together.
First
there was that night in Downingtown. Most of us got there early to set
up and relax a little before playing and we got this phone call at the
bar from our drummers (George) wife asking that we please send him home
as soon as he arrives (which he hadn't yet) because she was in labor and
the pains were pretty close together. He arrived shortly after the phone
call and when we told him he just laughed and said you F-ing guys are full
of shit and he still didn't believe us until we let him drive out of the
parking lot.
So
here we are, about an hour from having to play with no drummer! So it was
off to Ron's to pick up his set and if I remember right my wife had to
take him because he was not old enough to drive. Rick moved over to bass
and we did that 3 piece thing for the night.
Second
there was another New YEars in Downingtown (same place) I get a call
from Rick around 4:00pm who said he was dying with the flu, and that there
just was no way he could make it. At that time we were only a three piece
band so now we were screwed. I made several calls but no one could help,
Just try and find someone with no plans at 4:00pm on new years eve! I finally
found a drummer I new but never played with to fill in. Well at that time
rick did all the lead vocals and Ron or I didn't know any of the word to
any of the songs. Needless to say we did a whole lot of mumbling that night,
but we made it through.
The
there was that New Years in Lancaster that looked like everything was going
to work for a change, everyone showed up, no babies being born, no body
was sick, no bad weather, just smooth jam'in... until we powered up the
PA only to find out that the PA didn't "power up" After an hour of Ron
tinkering with it while the rest of us stood there with our thumbs up our
asses... we decided that the only thing to do was use our monitor system
for mains.
Oh
well... it worked... it always works!
Garry
Who
shit on my floor?
There
was this place in E-town that we used to play before they shut it down.
This place was definitely on the wrong side of the tracks (literally you
crossed the tracks and there it was) Our first night in some guy came running
through the door with his throat sliced during the first song of the night.
What a way to start... we were reluctant to re-book any work but he assured
us that doesn't happen often and besides if something were to break out
he was packing a piece (that made us fell real good). As time went on we
got to know him better and for the most part he was right about having
little trouble but you always had to worry a little. He was a strange kinda
guy, you played when he said play, the rest of the time you sat and drank
with him.
One
night we were sitting and drinking with him a he told us that before we
arrived that night there was this little old drunk who proceeded to piss
on his dance floor and they had to throw him out. He just couldn't believe
that someone could be so stupid and drunk. Well.... I used to carry around
this fake "pile" of shit that I made out of that Styrofoam crack filler
and painted brown. It's funny to put it on the dance floor and watch the
people who catch this pile of shit out of the corner of their eye. So we
though hey... we've never done that here and what an opportunity. So we
set it out and waited until someone pointed it out to him... ohhhh big
mistake! he freaked! I think he wanted to shoot everybody in the room,
he was that pissed! After explaining that it was just a joke he was still
pissed but had to laugh and we all had to sit and drink some more.
What
a place.
Garry
The
Show Must Go On
One
night on my way to the Martic Forge Hotel, while cruising along Rt.741
just
outside Gap Pa. at about 50 miles an hour an amish buggy decides to pull
out
in front of me with no lights on what so ever. It was pitch black out.
I
hit
the brakes as hard as I could, but it wasn't good enough. I hit the
buggy.
All of a sudden about four amish kids jumped out . I was shaking like
a
leaf, freaked out wondering if anyone was hurt. Fortunately, no one was
hurt.
The
cops came ambulances came the whole bit. By this time I was totally
freaked
out trying to calm down get my shit together. The cops said the buggy
was
at fault for having no lights on. Also he said it was one of the few
buggy
accidents that had such little damage and no injuries. So now it's all
over
except I still have to go to this music job and try to put on a good
show
with the horrible thoughts of this incident in the back of my mind. Got
to
the job, told the guys about it, they thought I was bullshitting until
they
saw me slam about three shots of whiskey in a row to calm my nerves. Got
through
the night ok but what an experience. Just another example of "The
Show
Must Go On"
George
Cold
war
It
was a cold January, night. We were playing in West Chester PA, it was a
small room but it was full.
At
about 1:00am a fight breaks out between 2 guys, well as most people know,
we do not tolerate fights, especially near the stage. So once again we
had to stop in the middle of a song in order to announce that there was
a fight going on, since most of the people working there were too drunk
to notice. Well after making the announcement they were pretty quick to
get it outside along with about 50 onlookers. One thing led to another
and before you new it, everyone outside was fighting, and that's not a
funny thing, but… what was funny was the fact that a few nights before
we had a major ice storm, and most of they alleyways were still extremely
icy. Now to stand back and watch 52 people fighting on ice that you could
barely stand on was hilarious. To make a long story short, there were more
injuries from falling than there were from punches being thrown. Kind'a
adds new meaning to "sliding some upside the head"
Garry
Brian's
Song
Over
the years you get to know and work with a lot of people, but one person
stands out alone.
We
came to know Brian through the Forge, he used to come out and listen to
the band every time we were there. Then we had the opportunity to work
with Brian at the Green Hill parties. He was D.J for the entire day, before,
in-between and after the band. They were long days but he loved it. I've
never been a big fan of D.J.'s simply because of the music these assholes
play, you ask for something that rocks a little and they dig out YMCA!
I would rather puke from too much drinking than the music. These guys should
have all taken lessons from Brian. He had an extensive selection of good
rock and roll that kept the crowd pumped up for the band, and he played
it obnoxiously loud, the way real rock and rollers like it.
Sadly
Brian was killed in a motorcycle accident this year and for those of you
who never had the chance to meet him, you have truly been robbed.
In
memory of Brian, we would like to dedicate the words below. They come from
a song parody we used to do that he requested every time he saw us. We
thought it was funny, but he must have found it hilarious.
So
if you knew Brian you'll appreciate it, if not take it for what it is…
a parody.
It's
a song about the time after a gig when you've spent an hour and a half
breaking down and packing up, it's 330am and your somewhere out in the
sticks of south Lancaster County Pa., starving hungry and there's nothing
open to get something to eat… except for Turkey Hill Mini Marts. There's
one every two miles. They sell these pre-packaged hoagies/subs/heroes (it
depends on which part of the country you're from) that really are not that
great, in fact they're pretty crappy, but when you're hungry… So we would
stand around the Turkey Hill and eat our soggy, brown lettuce, green tomato,
dripping some kind of mayonnaise/veggie juice sandwich, and laugh at just
how hard up we were. One night someone said they were ready for grub… thus
the parody was born.
Below
are the words, they can be sung to Bad Company's
"Ready for love".
Anything in ( ) can be mumbled before the next line. This song has become
a Hallman Brothers classic over the years so go ahead and enjoy…
Ready
For Grub
Driving
down this rocky road
Wondering
what I might be eating
Rolling
on to a bitter end
Find
out along the way
Many
places won't be open
You
should know
Man
I'm hungry
Course
Oil
- don't want no mayonnaise
Oil
- made fresh everyday
I'm
ready to grub
Oh
baby I'm ready for a sub (from Turkey Hill)
Ready
to grub
Oh
baby I'm ready for a sub
(ham
- cheese - lettuce - pickles - onions - but no mayonnaise)
2
2nd
verse
Now
I'm gonna eat again
Better
things are bound to happen
All
my food surely must be ate
Tiny
piles of ham and cheese
Rolls
are hard, too hard for squeez'n
You
should know (man I can't believe I eat this shit)
Course
Oil
- don't want no mayonnaise
Oil
- made fresh everyday
I'm
ready to grub
Oh
baby I'm ready for a sub (from Turkey Hill)
Ready
to grub
Oh
baby I'm ready for a sub
Gone
fish'n
Ya know
it's been about a year and it's time to do that Halloween thing at Mr.E's
again, and this reminds me of last years events…among other thing there
was this one event that I've never personally observed, which was the gold
fish eating contest. That's right gold fish eating! And when the time came
there were just as many women in line as there were men, when it was their
turn, they would pick the fish in the bowl they wanted, and they would
tilt their head back, open wide and someone would drop the fish in their
mouth! Sorry but that's just plain gross! Some of these fish were pretty
good size too! One part of the event that I found quite funny was when
they attempted to drop the fish into someone's mouth and missed, the fish
dropped to the floor and just flopped there, so the guy just bent over
and picked it up and ate it, the funny part was when someone who just ate
one had the nerve to say "I can't believe he ate that after it was on the
floor!" call me strange but I just can't see where that matters when your
eating live goldfish!
Black
coat and no tie
For the past few years
we've had the opportunity to entertain the Vietnam Vets for their local
chapter party.
Usually it's at the
Green Hill sportsman association and it's a blast. I must admit though
the first time we were booked for this event I was slightly skeptical.
After years of playing in a country band at places like the VFW my first
impression of playing for this party was similar to those days of the VFW
where the youngest guy in the room was still too old to get it up! But
then it hit me…. "Vietnam Vet" hummmm… Not much older that myself…and that
was the case when we showed up there was around 300 - 400 people, lots
of bikes, lots of food. It was as we would call it "a typical Green Hill
party" which was cool. We had a blast, everyone treated us great and made
sure we had a good time.
So we booked a couple
more parties with them but one stands out completely. It was for the regional
group and was booked at the Day's Inn in Centerville. My first reaction
was to laugh because I figured the Day's Inn's first impression was the
same as mine. Being a biker myself I know how these people (Day's Inn management)
think and I could hardly wait to see the expression on their faces when
the bikes started pulling in. Sure enough when we arrived there were plenty
of bikes in the parking lot, lots of leather walking around, lots of pony
tails, chaps, spurs, yada yada yada… all right there with "The usual clientele…"
I glanced into the ball room and could hardly see to the other side for
the smoke. To me it looked like a good party, but not the type the Day's
Inn was used to. The hotel had set up a bar in a room adjacent to the main
room, but it was not doing much business since theVets rented a room right
next to that and filled the tub with all kinds of alcoholic beverages for
themselves, and frankly who's gonna tell them they can or cannot do this
at that point? Eventually the bar shut down but, while it was open I had
the opportunity to speak with the bartender who was actually a Manager
at the hotel, I can't imagine why a Manager was tending bar but… I asked
him if he was a little surprised when they showed up? He said Welllllll….
A little. Then I asked him if anyone complained and I was glad to here
that only one older couple complained, packed up and left the night before
when some of the bikes (some of them with drag pipes on) started pulling
in, but other than that he had no complaints. All had a good time except
maybe for the ride home, as it was around 50 degrees and raining. Some
of these folks had 300 miles or more to ride home. But hey… after Vietnam
that’s a ride in the park.
Hats off gentleman.
(ladies too! who rode on the back)
